29 Aug 2017

Dear Oupa

Okay so here goes...

My heart is beating out of my chest, but I have to write this now, or I probably never will.

Dear Oupa,

It's taken me a while to write this down and actually express what I feel about losing you - I guess I haven't been able to because it was too soon after Ouma, I was still reeling from the emotional roller coaster I'd been on, when we lost you too... I have been speechless since.

There are many different excuses I can pull out for the reasons why I never actually got to know you, for the reasons why I didn't spend more time with you, for the reasons that I haven't been able to write anything about you, but none of them matter, and none of them ever will again; no matter what I say now, here, I will never be able to get back precious moments that I took for granted.

I'm writing this now because I stumbled across a photo on Facebook of you, it was a picture that was posted years ago, you look so young, so full of life; one thing that will stick with me forever is that you were always laughing, always making comments, always being as sarcastic as before - its hard to picture a world where I won't ever get to hear about loeries and their ostrich sized eggs, its hard to picture a world where I won't ever hear you chatting to the birds as you fed them, it's hard to picture a world without you.

But I guess I have to, I can just be happy that you're not in anymore pain, that you are no longer scared and that you can now see how much we all love and adore you.

I love you Oupa and are missed every single day...


28 Aug 2017

Today...

Today is one of those empty days.
The days where I feel alone
I have no one
No one cares
Everything is going to go wrong
Everything I do is not good enough
I have no energy to do anything
I have no motivation to even try and work

Today is the day where I feel lost
Where I am fighting the monster from my nightmares
But only he’s here
Right by me
Staring over my shoulder
Snickering as I type every word
Pushing those doubtful thoughts into my head

Today is a day where I wish to just close my eyes forever
I have no reason to feel like this,
I had a fantastic weekend,
I have amazing friends,
I have an amazing family that cares,
I have NO reason to feel empty and lost
But….
I do
And I feel it terribly.

Today is a day where the battle is within me
I fight the monsters that tell me,
“You’re no good”
“You’re a failure”
“Everyone hates you”.

Today is the day that will remind me tomorrow how strong I am.
Today is the day that will remind me tomorrow that I can overcome anything.
Today is the day that will remind me tomorrow that I am never alone.

Today is the day that will remind me tomorrow that I made one more day.

By Anonymous.

17 Aug 2017

Love is Love

What is love? To me it’s something that can’t be quantified. Love is kind, love is honest, love is patient, love is... love. Which is why when people are the total opposite it confuses me, freaks me out and just about infuriates the heck out of me. Why people choose to hate instead of love is something I will never understand, especially when it’s the first reaction.

Reading online what’s happening across the world has left me in awe, and not in a good way, rather in a way that has me questioning humanity. Here’s where I insert a quote from one of the world’s greatest humans, this world ever got the privilege to know, Nelson Mandela – 'No one is born hating another person because of the colour  of his skin, or his background or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes naturally to the human heart than its opposite.' This just proves that we are not born hateful, this atrocious and unacceptable behaviour is taught.

Why go around hating someone just because they are different from you? Why go around bullying someone because they look\act different from how you’d rather have them look or behave? Yeah sure people are afraid of things they do not understand but that is a bullshit and tired excuse for acting like an asshole. Just for a moment put yourself in their shoes and see what it would be like if you were treated in the harsh manner in which you’re treating others and see if you like it, probably not.


I have a simple solution, educate yourself. That person you’re afraid of because they’re different, guess what? They’re a human being just like you, aaahhhhh shocker I know, who would have thought?! So just sit down and get to know them better instead of being judgmental and unkind.

As Maya Angelou said once, 'HATE it has caused a lot of problems in this world, but has not solved one yet.'

We as a collective can do this. Do not give up hope. We will love this hate out of this world. We will love the hate right out of the people so that what’s left is only love, we could use more love never more hate.

Remember to be kind to one another.

Peace, Love and Light to you all.
XOXO

Ashleigh