27 Jun 2014

Awake my soul - Mumford and Sons

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
My weakness I feel I must finally show

Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
Har har, har har, har har, har har

Awake my soul
Awake my soul

How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
My weakness I feel I must finally show
Har har, har har, har har, har har

In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
And where you invest your love, you invest your life
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
And where you invest your love, you invest your life

Awake my soul
Awake my soul
Awake my soul
For you were made to meet your maker

Awake my soul
Awake my soul
Awake my soul
For you were made to meet your maker
You were made to meet your maker

Skinny Love - Bon Iver

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt, we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

Tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in this moment this order's tall

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love, what happened here?
Suckle on the hope in lite brassieres
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full, so slow on the split

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

And now all your love is wasted
And then who the hell was I?
And I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?
Ooh, ooh

A skinny love is defined as two people who are in love with each other but are too shy to speak up... I love this song but only found out tonight what it actually means... Now I love it even more.

24 Jun 2014

Access Revoked

So I learned today that there will be no more internet access at work....

No I'm not kidding there was an email sent out yesterday (I've been sick at home) stating that all internet rights have been revoked and should we need the internet for anything we need to fill out a form and submit it for approval.

How much more ridiculous is this place going to get, I mean honestly next we won't be allowed to open new files on our computers or use computers at all, we'll be forced to go back in time and use pen and paper for invoices and absolutely everything else!!

Really I should have seen this coming but honestly good luck to the CEO because nothing will get done now... Mark my words.

12 Jun 2014

You

Okay I can now write a motivational letter thanks to you and you - you know who you are!

I spoke to you again today to so that sort of cheered me up :) Talking to you puts things in perspective and for that I thank you. Without you this place would have been dull and I probably would not still have a job (as hard as that is to admit :P) so Thank you.

My momma is coming to visit me this weekend and that is going to be awesome! We usually have the biggest load of fun - we watch series we eat junk food (hope you're bringing me sweeties momma) and over all we vent like we have never vented before because my mom is my primary source of information and also the only one who will ever know me better than I know myself. See you soon Mommy

Even though there is so much going on around me I still feel alone. I have this emotion hovering over me and I cant expect people to understand that I'm so sad- that I will eventually probably get over it but for now the motivational crap isn't working, I just hate the way people say I need to move on with my life that I'm still young and will find someone else and whatever sure maybe I will but you know what for now I want you and none of that motivational stuff is going to work   because even though I stick a mask on my face everyday, I smile and laugh... hes always at the back of my mind- I always wonder if he's okay and if I will ever see him again... 

I sound pathetic... 

Herewith ends another depressing post- sorry, I'll try make the next slightly happier

9 Jun 2014

Underpaid

Sitting here at work I realise one thing- I am unappreciated, underpaid and not thought of in general- I do most things in this office but I am not a valued employee.

My job title is changing to office administrator but it seems I will never be eligible for a pay rise; it seems this way because as many times as I request a pay rise I get ignored... this is this amazing place just playing to its name all over again.

I may have mentioned before that I have been here for a total of 10 months- on a temporary contract from the day I walked in; I have now received my permanent contract, I still report to 2 people, I now have to start paying 50% of provident fund, I already pay UIF and I have my rent, groceries etc to pay but my contract states that my salary will remain the same. I of course do not agree.

Sitting here at work I realise one thing - I need to find myself a better place to work

8 Jun 2014

Feeling

I feel alone 

I feel utterly and completely deserted by all human form or loving caress. Whether I physically am alone is a completely different story. 

I feel like one of those girls I make fun fun of in the movies- you know the one: she pines after the man of her dreams and acts like its the end of the universe because he's left. I feel like I've given up all of my morals about being a strong woman because I am now that pathetic woman. 

I have people who love me, many in fact, at this point I just feel like I may never find a soul mate (tacky word for it). I feel like I will live out my life alone and constantly in the way.

I used to laugh at woman artists who mourne about love lost now I cry with them. 

I feel alone. I feel like I'll never be understood. I feel alone.

5 Jun 2014

Here without you - 3 Doors Down

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same

But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you, baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you, baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you, baby

But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah.

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh, yeah, yeah

I'm here without you, baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you, baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you, baby

But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, girl, its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go (oh whoa)
It gets hard but it won't take away my love (oh whoa)
And when the last one falls
When it's all said and done
It gets hard but it wont take away my love, whoa, oh, oh

I'm here without you, baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you, baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you, baby

But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, girl, it's only you and me

2 Jun 2014

Sincerely Desré

Hi, my name is Desré- I used to be your best friend- once upon a time when you still cared.

Isn't it sad how we've grown apart because you got a boyfriend? You were so excited when I moved here, so happy we'd be seeing one another more but now 10 months have passed and I've seen you once. 

We both have busy lives I know but puting time aside for one another used to be important too- I just can't help but feel we're drifting apart far more than we ever should. 

I miss the friends we used to be...